I’m short of a few good words.
I’d love to say I want more of this wretched place, or life.

.. yet i wouldn’t know what to ask for. I have the most amazing things in life, those important things. The basics we so frequently over look. We over look them merely by focusing on the things we so constantly seek yet never fulfill our desires. I’d love to be in love, the feeling of love which we so constantly think, write, dwell, and desire on. Yet all we get is a false promises, broken hearts, and we’re left with nothing because we sell ourselves short.  I’d love to have an abundance of money, clothes, or even a car seeing that I don’t have one at the time. I could buy endless things, but they don’t amount to much when really the problem is you.
.. but none of them give me what i have now.

I have consistency beyond measure. because what we want isn’t what we need. & i’ve given enough of myself away to things that will never give me anything back. I have love beyond measure through my family which supports, loves & gives without asking for anything in return. I have a consistent loving God who comforts, loves, and never fails me.. no matter how far i run, hide, or reject him. I have an immeasurable amount of friends that give, listen, laugh, teach, and show me things i’ve never experienced before. I have shelter that will be here tomorrow, i have a job that provides me with money for the things i need. I have the means to get an education, eat, and live.

..they’ve blinded us all .
i’d forgotten what it was to be grateful. i’d forgotten what it was to believe in myself. i’d forgotten what it was like to believe in the people that matter the most, the people that make me who i am. i’d forgotten that it’s not the little things in our life that make us happy, but the big things. those big things, you know the people, the lives, the place you live, the things that have molded you’re very existence. it’s everything you know, everyone you’ve encountered, whatever makes you better. whatever makes you believe. whatever makes you smile, love, give, listen, learn, and appreciate. we’ve been lied to told we deserve everything, & its not true. we deserve nothing, but have been given the most valuable things. & we reject them everyday & we go on not knowing what we’re looking for.

i won’t look farther than i can reach. i won’t look farther than i can be held. i’ll be grateful for this day. i don’t lack love, friends, family or anything that i so assuredly told myself i did. they haven’t blinded everyone, no not all.