BTW:
there’s so much pressure to write a blog that aaron will love once again that there’s a extremely huge possibility that this one might suck.. if so i ask that you would find it in your great heart to forgive me aaron.

Okay, so I absolutely despise school at almost any given point in time. The definition for school should be something like… is meant for learning, but usually you forget when you step out of class and the side effects would be something or other along the lines of may cause extreme anxiety, and or extreme depression. lol Buuuut! somehow along the lines of insanity, depression, and anxiety my sociology class can be pretty enlightening.. yes i said it. Today we talked about stereotypes, personal space, and some theory called “roles of front/backstage” i found it quite amusing, but oddly true, hence the title. So the theory is life is show/act, and theres a front stage and a backstage. The front-stage is for the outward appearance that you give people what you want them to know, the way you want to be seen.  The backstage is your personal life, which you only share with your closest friends. I guess it ties in with my last blog, but we also talked about stereotypes.. and how we see other people which ties in with our forum yesterday. Its funny how our minds work, i think our minds drive us crazy with thoughts, hopes, emotions, disillusionment.. insanity and really none of us are sane whatsoever. (or so I’ve conjured up in my mind)

I find it amusing how we use words, expressions, and characteristics to label everything. For example i say school is depressing and causes anxiety yet, another might say school is exciting, fun, and maybe even exhilarating. So may it be that the beauty in things is in the eye of the beholder, if so does that mean we have the capacity of seeing everything as beautiful. If so I say i’m beholding alot of nothing. It’s lost its touch on me, life that is… or perhaps i have. I think we try to capture life in a bottle per say or a box.. yes a box is a better analogy.. (i hope i used analogy right, i’m sure ya’ll will let me know) so in our ever so called box[of life] how big is our box? I’ve examined my self pretty quickly in like the last couples of minutes. My box is small like me, its big enough to hold me.. standing, enough to stretch out my arms in it sideways up and down, enough for me to sit and i can dance a bit in it since i mean i can reach out my hands i have that space to dance in? BUUUT thats all.. i cant run in my box i cant take my box to space or my box cant take me to space, actually. This box its not enough to swim or fly me somewhere really my box, its pretty limited.  The only flying/swimming i’m doing is in my mind.. my emotions are high in my box but they’re contained and cant escape the box therefore the box is about to burst, BUT never does. So theres all this emotions, anxiety per say love, hate, passion, fear ALL of it its all captured in this little box.. and the box well the box is miserable it wants to expand, it wants to fit my needs it wants to help me fly, swim, jump scream but the box well its a box. [wow, this came out of nowhere.. this is not where i was going haha] and all the box can do is what i allow it to do.. i guess the box is God not like a barrier, but the barrier i put on God or myself.  I’m actually really upset with myself because i’ve never realized my box was so small, and limited i’ve always wanted more, but never allowed it. So therefore i feel like a deer caught in headlights, God caught my attention. Really i dont know my response all i know is i’m acknowledging the fact that i’m a small box perhaps i shall grow. Yes.. i’ll grow or at least give it a shot.