-i’m oddly amused that i rarely have nothing to say, &* i take forever to blog.. i guess its the finding time thing.

Okay.. so life is odd, & unseemly strange.  Every time i think i’ve got it figured out, i dont.  You know if i told you about all the different stages in my life, you’d be surprised.  This sunday at our so called “forum” we talked about the past, and quite frankly i’ve always avoided the past at all cost.  I’m not fond of my past i’m more of a “oh yeah, i did that.. (lets keep moving on to a diff. conversation)”  &* i guess its kinda true what Marc said that night it does keep you humbled (and it’ll surely knock at our door eventually).  I’m the last to say i’m perfect and i’m probably, no i am alot harder on myself than i lead to believe.  But recently i’ve been bearing flaws that are not quite like the past flaws i’ve had.  Their not to say harder or easier, just different because now i have new things to overcome.  I think i’d become a little deafening to the things people go through you know? i’ve been out of high school three years now.. gosh. i cant believe how fast time passes & until quite recently i had totally forgotten where i’d come from. (a late night talk w/donna about the past really makes you remember..)  My closest friends might know my past, but very few of my most recent friends dont. 

Latley, i’ve become deaf to hear whats going on. Although i’m not, i’m quite sheltered for most people.  I mean when people cuss i’m taken aback, when people drink i’m confused, when people smoke i’m disgusted.. & this is because i use to be first in line to all those things at one point.  i think we grow cold, and a little heartless to the fears and disappointments people go through. i’m sure no one grows up wishing to be an alcoholic, cutter, or a totally wreck you know? & far be it for me to judge.  If anything i’m just like them whoever they are.. except i’m an emotional wreck & i hide it well. Instead of reaching for the bottle i reach for the ice cream.. although its funny its altogether the same. We all cling to something, we all reach our escape some how. I’m no better than the rest, i fall quite short just as the next person. I’d like to say that now more than ever i’ll be the last to judge.. im positive i judge easily and i’m going to work on it. Because if anyone needs as much forgiveness and love as i do, then they need alot of it. & i dont want to be a deafening heart.. that cant relate or hear when its being called on.. <3